Sigh… Poor Josh and Nastya. I sit and watch the destruction happen, feeling heartbroken. Here is my last connection…
I’m going to make a final emotional connection because that’s all I feel at this moment.
Nastya is self-destructing and the destruction involves everyone in her little “town” (Josh). She’s putting on a smile while smashing the buildings around her yet her own personal walls haven’t fallen yet. I honestly think it all ties to her obvious depression, what else? The man who ruined her also took away a part of her I wish I could have met in the story.
My connection, my final connection, is the connection about self-destruction of others when all you want is to purely deconstruct yourself. I’ve brought it up in other posts I believe, but my past is a thing I keep hidden in journals and secrets. I don’t talk about it purely because I don’t have trust in the people on this world. I did exactly what Nastya did to Josh.
I used to make friends, boyfriends, and completely tear them down while I was trying to destroy myself. Here’s a quote written by yours truly on my essay to get into my current school back before school started:
“I taught myself to not need anyone. I want some people around, but I have learned to depend on me and only me. I learned people will not save you, people tried though. When you are so buried in your own hell, the voices screaming at you to grab their hand aren’t the ones you listen to.”
This feeling Nastya has isn’t anything new, I saw her downfall from the beginning. It’s easier to tear others down so you have more weight pushing you down to your own downfall. The sex, the lies, the mystery, were all a part of Nastya’s messed up mental depiction of the world around her. And to be honest, I feel the author Millay wrote the feelings of depression, anger, angst, confusion, love, and hate in a very perfect way without making it look like a happy trip with the perfect ending.
I don’t know if this was a perfect connection, but that’s what I’m feeling. Tell me what you think.
This is the final chapter of my journey with Josh and Nastya- hope you have enjoyed.