“And then his knee slips between mine, gently pushing them apart, and a moment later I can feel the pressure of him. I know the exact moment when he realizes- realizes one of the countless things I never told him. Because he stops right there. Suddenly eerily still. He’s not kissing me anymore. He’s staring at me, and his eyes are so close to mine that I think I can read his mind.
I know he’s going to say something, but I don’t want him to, because it will make me tell him things. He’ll make me feel sade and safe is something I should never feel again.
There are a thousand words in his eyes, but all he says is “Sunshine?” It’s not my name. It’s a question. Or maybe it’s more than one, but I don’t let him say anything else.
I reach around him, though I’m not sure this will even work, and I tilt my hips up and shove him towards me. And, for just a second, there’s tearing and burning, and then it’s done. I squeeze my eyes shut because pain is familiar and grounding and I’d rather give myself to that. I’m used to pain, and this really isn’t bad. It’s the look on his face that I’m not used to- awe, confusion, wonder and- please, please, please- don’t let it be love.
“Are you okay?” He’s inside me but he still doesn’t move. His hands are on either side of my face, and he looks like he’s scared of me.
“Yes,” I whisper, but I don’t know if it comes out. I don’t know if I’m okay. It shouldn’t be possible to be this close to another person. To let them crawl inside you” (331-332).
I don’t think much can be said about this. I think reading this, everyone feels something different. To me, this is one of the cutest ‘scenes’ I’ve read. I’m Team Josh 100%, and his reactions are so sincere. But I think the writing of this passage is amazing too. Because I not only understand how she is feeling, and what is going on, but I also understand how he is feeling. I think this scene is intimate without being overdone. I do admit, typing this up, I squirmed a little because the phrasing of some sentences (“he’s inside me”) creeps me the freak out! However, this passage made me blush more than 50 Shades of Grey.